TMT: The Importance of Giving Your Child Independence

Disclaimer: These are my beliefs on what an effective strategy of parenting looks like. Not everyone may agree with my opinions and that is okay. There are multiple ways of effective parenting as well. These are not facts. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.


As a parent it is tempting to want control over your child and every aspect of their lives, particularly out of concern for their success and well-being. Many parents feel it is necessary to monitor everything their child is doing.

However, in many cases this is unhealthy to the child’s development and relationship with their parents. This may even cause a child to become dependent on others throughout adulthood.

In order for a child to grow in a way that allows them to mature and become self-reliant, independence must be gradually given as they age. Age-appropriate independence fosters resilience, confidence, and problem-solving skills.

(It is especially important to note that if a child isn’t becoming gradually self-reliant, once they reach adulthood and are given sudden independence, they may struggle with navigating it.)

Over-involvement in your child’s life (sometimes known as “helicopter” parenting)

According to WebMD, too much attention from parents (including the constant overseeing and intervention of a child’s grades and social life) lead to a slower social and academic development.

Though many factors affect the way one parents, such as culture and personal beliefs, I firmly believe children should be raised with support and guidance rather than strict control. It is crucial to encourage children to explore their passions within reasonable boundaries.

Allowing a child to have freedom doesn’t require the abandonment of all rules. Boundaries are crucial in healthy parenting, because a child’s safety must also be ensured. A parent’s insight and experience may also serve as guidance to a child.

Supportive parenting also means that “no” may be necessary. If your child wants to attend a party in high school that may be unsafe, you can definitely say no. If your child wants to purchase something irrational, I encourage you to say no. However, if your child wants to join a school club, you shouldn’t deny them of the experience. If you fear it will interfere with their academics, have an open discussion with them as to why you see it as unfit. Allowing your child to participate in constructive activities will often benefit them more than it will do them harm.

To conclude…

Ultimately, setbacks are an inevitable part of your child’s journey into adulthood. They play a significant role in their learning and growth. Attempting to shield your child from all possible challenges is not only unrealistic but also detrimental to their development.


2 responses to “TMT: The Importance of Giving Your Child Independence”

  1. Arielle Avatar

    Couldn’t agree more! As the mother of a toddler, I try to let her be independent as much as I can without compromising her safety. That means letting her play alone without intervention when she is focused on a task, letting her help me and do little things on her own, and giving her time to find a solution when she is struggling with a problem. If she asks for help with those little problems instead of rushing to solve them for her, I demonstrate how to do things and let her try on her own! I’m hopeful that this will have a positive outcome for her in the future!

    1. That is awesome, and I’m sure she will grow up to be a problem solver, who isn’t afraid to ask for help when necessary. You seem like an excellent mother. 🤍

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