Selfish GOOD: Why Being Selfish Needs to be Normalized

Selfishness Isn’t Always Bad

“Selfish people suck.” That’s a common opinion, and although it may be true at times, the world doesn’t work well without selfishness. The most influential and successful people today forced their way to the top by putting themselves first. Opposite of being selfish is being selfless, and this can often mean being a people-pleaser. Being a people pleaser doesn’t benefit the person giving in, and usually leaves them feeling drained of their energy.

However, people don’t usually realize they are neglecting their well-being for others when trying to please them. They see it as “helping,” when it’s actually hurting themselves. Choosing selfishness doesn’t need to prompt rude behavior. Contrary to this, selfishness can result in better self-care, prioritization, and joy.

7 Ways to Be More Selfish

1. Don’t be afraid to say no. And don’t you dare apologize for it. Make your desires a priority. If you don’t feel like going to an event, say no. If you dislike how someone if treating you, verbalize it. Focus on pouring your attention into yourself and refuse things that don’t add value into your life. Learn how to say no here: 6 Effective Tips to Politely Say No (that actually work!) (

2. Stop overworking. It’s important to take care of your physical and mental health, which is why stress should be avoided. Overworking is a way of telling yourself that your health isn’t as important as your work and can lead to burnout. This is an example of a self-destructive behavior you should avoid.

3. Dedicate time toward clearing your mind and showing gratitude. This ties in with your mental health. Taking time to make sure you are processing your ideas is important because sometimes you may not fully grasp them. Life flies by and it’s necessary to pause for a moment to recollect your thoughts. Additionally, showing gratitude can be a great way of incorporating positivity into your life and mindset.

4. Ask for help when you need it. Humanity is built to rely on each other, and so it’s okay to receive support. Whether in your personal life or professional life, independence can be isolating. Relying on others can inspire change. As such, you shouldn’t feel bad if you need assistance in your life, and the right people will be happy to lend you a hand during tough times.

5. Ask for what you deserve. Do you deserve a raise? Ask for it. Did the barista serve you the wrong drink? Don’t feel bad asking for what you paid for! It’s important to not shy away from asking for what you deserve. Sometimes it feels challenging because we don’t want to hurt feelings or seem entitled, but if you worked for something, paid for something, or are worthy of something more, go get it!


6. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT feel bad for your accomplishments. It’s good to be humble, but you should never feel sorry for your achievements. If others are offended by your greatness, then they have no business in your life. Cheer yourself on and ignore those who are angered by your value.

7. Be confident. You may be thinking, “Confidence isn’t selfish.” However, some people view having a high self-esteem as cocky. I am here to assure you that confidence isn’t necessarily selfish. Other individuals’ perception of your confidence shouldn’t leave you feeling bad about yourself. Valuing yourself is powerful and allows you to enjoy life more. Think about what you deserve. This includes being happy and feeling secure in yourself.


Take these 7 tips with you and live to a higher standard. While you should always help others, it is important to prioritize your own well-being. Selfishness isn’t always at the expense of others and can be your self-care. I hope you enjoyed this post and visit me in my next. Love always, Nicole.

Disclaimer: all advice above is strictly opinion with no fact-based evidence. I am not a professional. Use advice at your own risk.


19 responses to “Selfish GOOD: Why Being Selfish Needs to be Normalized”

  1. Ecaterina Avatar

    I tend to be a people’s pleaser and I can really relate to your article.
    I wonder how many more people are selfless and need to be a bit more selfish.

    1. I’m glad this article was of use! I know many people who struggle with people pleasing. It’s important to know whether you are just being a good person, or giving in too much to the point where it can hurt you.

  2. I find speaking up so hard but then i feel bad that I didn’t get what I ordered so I will use these tips thank you.

    1. Anytime! I’m glad this article was useful to you!

  3. Arielle Avatar

    This is amazing advice! As a woman (and a mom) I know firsthand how important it is to take care of yourself. It doesn’t mean neglecting others but, as the old adages go, you have to put on your oxygen mask first before you can help others and you can’t pour from an empty cup.

  4. Adriana Avatar

    Definitely one of the mottos I hope I can stick to this year!! We start to lose ourselves when we are too selfless..

    1. Good luck sticking to it! It’s important not to lose yourself by neglecting your own needs.

  5. Arielle Avatar

    This is amazing advice! As a woman (and a mom) I know firsthand how important it is to take care of yourself. It doesn’t mean neglecting others but, as the old adage goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup!

    1. Thank you! It’s very important to prioritize yourself but that doesn’t mean you need to be a “bad” person. You can’t take care of others if you are overlooking your own needs! (The saying is very true!)

  6. This is so true! Being selfish isn’t necessarily always a bad thing; it is important so that we prioritize ourself and stay mentally healthy. These are some great tips! Keep up the good work!👍🏼💕

    1. You’re right! It is crucial to prioritize our mental health. Thanks for the support.

  7. Anastasia Avatar

    Ugh #4 is so hard but so important❣️ Such a great list going into 2024 ✨

    1. It can be hard to ask for help, but it is necessary. Thank you for your support!

  8. good advice to use this new year, great post

    1. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  9. love the advice on this post! it’s hard to not be a people pleaser and to say no, especially when you think people will only like you if you do everything they want you to.

    1. That’s really true, it feels like we will lose people if we put ourselves first, but true friends will care about your wellbeing and want you to take care of yourself!

  10. IRAA GULATI Avatar

    This is not selfishness, this is how to treat yourself with care and respect. Simply doing what is good for you at no one’s expense.

    Oxford definition of “selfish”: lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.

    None of this is selfish. Being selfish is a negative trait, you should not spread ideas that not feeling guilty for doing well in life is being selfish. Or that taking time to yourself is selfish. Or that being confident and respecting your own limits is selfish.
    Really silly stuff.

    1. Firstly, thank you for your comment. While I agree that maybe I was using “selfish” in the more colloquial and modern vernacular (as opposed to the standard, dictionary definition) I can see how to some it might be confusing. I did not intend to suggest someone should strive toward any negative traits, just that it’s important to prioritize oneself even though it may come across as selfish (For example, my first tip was not being afraid to say no. This may seem selfish by the oxford definition you shared, “concerned chiefly with one’s own personal pleasure,” because it may come across as caring solely about your own comfort. However, it is important to care about your own comfort, as long as it isn’t hurting someone else). Secondly, while constructive criticism is always welcome, it is only so when done with good intentions and a pure heart. Saying that I’m spreading “silly” stuff in such a condescending tone doesn’t really do much to get your otherwise valid point across. Perhaps we can all learn from this. It takes nothing to be kind, but bringing others down creates a toxic online environment that doesn’t benefit anyone (and may hurt some). Wishing you lots of light and positivity, Nicole.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *